DNDW 8: Stewarding Your Relational Health and Safety
Join Christine for a powerful conversation with relationship expert Bob Hamp as they explore what love does (and doesn't) look like, why mutuality is vital in healthy relationships, and how many of us have misunderstood both the mission and the two-become-one mystery of marriage.
Bob breaks down the patterns that define destructive relationships and why some people feel entitled to demand that others become less so they can feel like more. From misassigned responsibility to weaponized theology, they discuss how flawed or misguided teachings about submission, gender roles, and "dying to self" have damaged countless marriages and driven women away from the church. They also explore how both partners must remain whole to experience the oneness God intended.
If you're struggling in a relationship or supporting someone who is, this episode offers clarity, validation, and a path toward the dignity and unity God designed.
If you want to encourage Christine and help other people find this show, please make sure to follow/subscribe and leave a positive review on your streaming platform.
DNDW 8 Special Guest
Bob Hamp
is a seasoned counselor, author, and spiritual leader renowned for his unique approach to teaching freedom through a spiritual lens. With sixteen years in private practice and helping churches around the world develop Freedom Ministry, Bob’s work focuses on altering thought processes to achieve spiritual healing and wholeness. He regularly speaks frequently and has mentored and coached hundreds of counselors, pastors, and leaders. His teachings emphasize sound theology, God’s healing presence, and the transformative power of freedom (acting & reacting as the person God created you to be), making him a sought-after speaker and counselor who helps individuals and communities find true freedom and spiritual identity.
Season 3 | Draw Near Dwell Well | Topics & Guests
DNDW1: My Accidental Sabbatical | Christine
DNDW2: The Theology of Invitation | Christine
DNDW3: Discerning Shifts | Emily P. Freeman
DNDW4: Practicing Simplicity | Jan Johnson
DNDW5: Sabbath Rest | Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith
DNDW6: Slowing Down | Laura L. Smith
DNDW7: Stillness: Therapy & Theology | Crystal Logan
DNDW8: Relational Health | Bob Hamp
DNDW9: Emotional Health | Christy Boulware
DNDW10: Silence & Solitude | Andrew Ranucci
NOTE: Featuring a guest, resource, or organization on The Holy Shift does not necessarily constitute a blanket endorsement of their entire body of work.
Additional Relational Resources and Support:
For a comprehensive list of trusted relational resources, download this free guide:
Draw Near Dwell Well Resources
The Holy Shift Resources
Scripture
Proverbs 4:23Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.
Ephesians 5:3-113Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God’s people. 4Obscene stories, foolish talk, and coarse jokes—these are not for you. Instead, let there be thankfulness to God. 5You can be sure that no immoral, impure, or greedy person will inherit the Kingdom of Christ and of God. For a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world.
6Don’t be fooled by those who try to excuse these sins, for the anger of God will fall on all who disobey him. 7Don’t participate in the things these people do. 8For once you were full of darkness, but now you have light from the Lord. So live as people of light! 9For this light within you produces only what is good and right and true.
10Carefully determine what pleases the Lord. 11
Take no part in the worthless deeds of evil and darkness; instead, expose them.
1 Corinthians 13:4-74Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Galatians 513For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love.
14For the whole law can be summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”c 15But if you are always biting and devouring one another, watch out! Beware of destroying one another.
16So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves. 19When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, 20idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, 21envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God. 22But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things.
Ephesians 5:21-3321And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
22For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. 24As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.
25For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her 26to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.b 27He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. 28In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. 29No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. 30And we are members of his body.
31As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”c 32This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. 33So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Ephesians 4:15Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church.
Quotes
Individually, the key to emotional health is moving towards a sense of self-responsibility. Relationally, the key to health is mutuality. -Bob Hamp
God doesn't want you to be less than human and less than whole. And He isn't asking you to stay in relationships that demand that of you because that is not God's definition of love. -Christine Crawford
Abuse is the misassignment of responsibility. When I take the things that I'm actually responsible for and I assign them to you. And especially when I assign them to you now, tomorrow, and over time. -Bob Hamp
Love doesn't bully, shame, or ridicule. It doesn't deceive, demean, degrade, devalue, dishonor, or dehumanize. It doesn't betray, belittle, abuse, or attack. Love doesn't deflect, project, reject, or neglect. Nor does it dominate or intimidate, humiliate or invalidate. It doesn't stonewall or withhold, minimize or manipulate. Love doesn't coerce, control, treat contemptuously, or constantly criticize. And it doesn't gaslight, objectify, or exploit. -Christine Crawford
Mature people have learned how to manage their own soul, regardless of what the people around them are doing. Spiritual maturity is about the ability to say, "I can carry the nature of God even when other people are exemplifying the nature of the devil." -Bob Hamp
Biblical, mutual submission is beautiful. But telling a woman to submit to sin "in obedience to God" does not reflect the heart of God. -Christine Crawford
What people are searching for by checking boxes, they will only find by learning to connect. -Bob Hamp
God wills that adult relationships (marriage especially) be safe, reciprocal, and mutually dignifying. -Christine Crawford
You can't approach oneness and hang onto selfishness. -Bob Hamp
Tolerating unrepentant patterns of harm is not the way of Jesus and not his will for our lives. -Christine Crawford
Related Resources & Inspiration
Seven Helpful and Healing Resources for Hurting Women | Article by Christine Crawford
Whether you're navigating a painful relationship or supporting someone who is, these seven resources offer helpful insight and healing.
The Dynamics of Abuse | Resource from Bob Hamp
Why we should Think Differently about the abusive cycles and confusing dynamics that keep people stuck in destructive relationships.
The Too-Typical Story of Abuse | Article by Christine Crawford
Her anguish compelled her forward, and with tissues twisting in her trembling hands, Sarah shared her concerns about Rick’s excessive drinking and terrifying temper with her pastor.
Difficult vs. Destructive Relationships | From Therapy & Theology with Lysa TerKeurst
Difficult relationships require patience, grace, and hard work, but they don't fundamentally threaten our well-being. Destructive relationships, however, actively damage our emotional health and compromise our safety, wholeness, and sense of self.
My Story of Spiritual Abuse | by Erika Tovi
When I begin my internship, I’m vulnerable, deferential, and insecure. I do almost anything I’m asked because I believe it’s good for my character. People describe me as sweet. So, so sweet.
Jesus on Divorce and Remarriage | Resources from BibleProject
What did Jesus actually teach about divorce and remarriage? There's a lot of confusion on the subject, and understanding the historical context helps clear up the theological confusion.
The Mutuality of Marriage | by Natalie Hoffman
A normal marriage never feels like you’re living in the Twilight Zone because a normal, healthy marriage is mutual and reciprocal, not one-sided and bewildering.
Music
DRAW NEAR DWELL WELL SEASON PLAYLIST
Spanning the spectrum from contemporary worship and traditional hymns to spiritually-secular and vibey instrumental, here's a cross-genre collection to help calm anxiety and inspire connection with God.💛
Other Resources
DWELL Bible App & Prayer App
Longing for God’s Word in your life? Discover the Power of Listening to the Bible.
Hallow Prayer & Meditation App
Discover new ways to grow closer to God alongside millions of other Christians worldwide.
BibleHub: Search, Read, and Study
Online Bible Study Suite. Topical, Greek, and Hebrew study tools. Concordances, commentaries, sermons, and devotionals.
Abide Christian Meditation App
Christian Meditation Made Easy
Sleep better and stress less.
