EP 32: Grief is Holy — How to Grieve Well
What if what you've been avoiding is what heals you?
We don't know how to grieve. Not really. We've been taught to hurry our grief, spiritually bypass lament, and sanitize our suffering — leaving a lot of us with an “emaciated theology of suffering,” and no place to take our pain.
In this honest and tender conversation, Bible teacher, author, and award-winning broadcaster Rebecca Carrell joins me to talk about what it means to grieve well. We dig into why deep grief is not a lack of faith but an alignment with the Holy Spirit. We walk through what Jesus's response to Mary and Martha teaches us about showing up for people in pain. We talk about why a good ugly cry is one of the most healing things you can do. And we wrestle together with one of the hardest truths about grief: that it isn't one loss. It's a thousand small ones, stacked inside each other, resetting every time you wake up.
If you've ever been told you're too tender, too emotional, or too slow to heal — this episode is for you. If you've ever stood at the edge of someone else's grief and not known what to do — this one is for you too.
Despite what you might think, grief is not the absence of faith or the enemy of hope. Let's make the holy shift.
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EP 32 Special Guest
Rebecca Carrell
Rebecca is a joyful Jesus follower, Bible teacher, conference speaker, author, and award-winning broadcaster. After spending over 20 years on the radio in Dallas-Fort Worth, she now mentors students at Dallas Theological Seminary in the Media Arts, Worship, Education, and Leadership departments.
Rebecca hosts the podcast Honestly Though: Real Talk, Real Life, Real Faith and is the author of several books including Anxious for Nothing, an inductive study of Paul's letter to the Philippians. She recently co-wrote the Discover Together Bible Study Series with Dr. Sue Edwards, with studies on 1 Timothy, Hebrews, and Esther.
NOTE: Featuring a guest, resource, or organization on The Holy Shift does not necessarily constitute a blanket endorsement of their entire body of work.
The Holy Shift Resources
Related Resources & Inspiration
On the Blog
Permission to Grieve | Video + Story by Rebecca Carrell
When we grieve, we agree with the Holy Spirit over the broken condition of the world—a world God created good. Grief gives us something to do with our pain. In fact, what gift can we offer a lost loved one other than our tears?
Darkness & Light Can Coexist | A Scene + Psalm from The Chosen
Darkness and light have always coexisted. That doesn't make the light less. It actually makes it more. Jesus didn't look away from the dark. He walked into it. He wept in it and over it. He let it be what it was before He did what only He could do.
The Answer to Grief | Poem + Reflection by Christine Crawford
On a rainy Sunday in April, I found myself at the big box store staring at a flat of begonias that nobody wanted. Orphaned, root-bound, reduced to a dollar a pot. I bought all of them, resurrected them, then wrote this poem with dirt still wedged under my fingernails.
Scripture
ISAIAH 53:3He was despised and rejected— a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief. We turned our backs on him and looked the other way. He was despised, and we did not care.
Galatians 5:22-23But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
Psalm 34:18The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.
john 11The Story of Mary and Martha and Lazarus
John 11:35Jesus wept.
Quotes
From Christine:
Grief is a holy response to death, loss and suffering. And scripture proves it because that’s where we see Jesus model it. So not only do we have permission to grieve, we are reflecting the heart of God when we do.
Every time I cry out to the Lord — whether in anger or full desperation — it is an invitation for him to draw near. And He always does.
From Rebecca:
Deep grief can occupy the same space as an even deeper hope.
Deep grief is not indicative of a lack of faith. Deep grief is an alignment with the Holy Spirit that the world is not as it ought to be.
Our grief actually puts us in a really robust theological position to agree with God.
We have such an emaciated theology of suffering, and such a shallow view of how suffering forms us into the image of Christ, that we try to completely bypass it.
We've essentially put lipstick on funerals and called them parties.
When you have a good heart ugly cry, you are purging your body of those toxic hormones. Grief actually literally heals us.
What the bereaved really need aren't first responders. They need long-term care providers.
I think not grieving is mal-forming us.
The things we mourn reveal a whole lot about us.
Music
Other Resources
DWELL Bible App & Prayer App
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Hallow Prayer & Meditation App
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Biblehub: Search, Read & Study
Online Bible Study Suite. Topical, Greek, and Hebrew study tools. Concordances, commentaries, sermons, and devotionals.
Abide Christian Meditation App
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Lectio 365 Prayer & Meditation App
Free daily prayer app with morning, midday & night devotionals to help you experience God’s presence in your life.